Earlier this year, Megan Benzik was selected for a drug test at the South Regional. Weeks later – if not months – CrossFit HQ released a statement that she had tested positive for several banned substances.

I immediately started getting texts since I had coached Megan for 2016 and 2017 season (so I can’t imagine how many messages she was getting).

Megan made an Instagram post explaining that she was taking both Vyvanse (a prescription ADD medication) as well as Anavar (a steroid) – and that the Anavar was likely contaminated with the other banned substances that she tested positive for.

Since Megan and I have kept in touch since she moved to Arizona last year, I figured it would be a good conversation to have her on the podcast to discuss the situation.

I also feel the need to offer some sort of disclaimer, since I’ve found that the capacity of humans to misunderstand and take information out of context to be boundless:

I certainly don’t support the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sport – and neither does Megan. While we do spend some time talking about reasons and justifications for drug usage, this is not meant to be an attempt to make excuses. Rather, we are trying to dig into the compartmentalization and other psychological gymnastics that an athlete can get into as they go further down the path of performance-enhancing drug usage.

Check out this conversation with Megan to hear:

  • What it felt like being selected for a drug test (when she knew she would test positive) and what it felt like to compete the rest of the weekend at Regionals
  • Why she decided to own her actions rather than make excuses – and how the positive test “snapped her out of” a bunch of justifications
  • Using inspirational quotes to try to improve your mindset – but still feeling like an impostor and a fraud

Listen Here

Check out more from Megan here:

Show Notes

  • [01:50] Moving into and living in a van (down by the river)
  • [09:01] Breaking up with CrossFit – and the feeling of being selected for a drug test
  • [17:26] How did you carry on with the competition knowing that you had likely just failed a drug test
  • [22:18] The difficulty in expaining to people why you weren’t yourself on the competition floor
  • [25:27] Owning your mistakes rather than creating excuses
  • [31:47] How do you justify doing something consistently that you know is ethically wrong?
  • [39:30] Working on mindset” and being able to say the right things – but not actually believing them”
  • [44:39] What do you think your path would have been if you hadn’t been selected for a drug test?
  • [50:45] How did you get started taking performance enhancing drugs?
  • [55:36] Feeling like your performances are a fluke and that you don’t belong
  • [01:04:31] What are your goals post-CrossFit?
  • [01:13:24] Documenting disconnecting and moving into a van…on social media

Links and Resources Mentioned